This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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