You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
