Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I can text with my tongue
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize