There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize