these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
