Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
