you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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