I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
