The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
