What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
