All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
