she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
