And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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