i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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