It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
