So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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