even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
