Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
