Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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