I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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