you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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