Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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