I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
