He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
