We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
