she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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