remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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