xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
