Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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