Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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