This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
