C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
