He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
