So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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