He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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