I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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