My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
