Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
