I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Randomize