So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
