wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
