And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
