Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize