I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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