Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
