So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
where does the pee come out of this thing
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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