I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
