I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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