I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
