Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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