Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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