I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
