Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
