Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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