I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
