I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
