Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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