tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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