All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
