I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
