yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
