I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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