I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
how does that bad decision feel?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize