Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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