I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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