Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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