I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
