Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
