found the other keg... it's in the tree
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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