Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
