Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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