I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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