Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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