I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
