"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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