I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
