You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
