I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize