garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
